news 1apr

Dear colleagues, our beloved friends!

In a state of great excitement, we would like to inform you that starting from 2024, the Joint Institute for Nuclear Research is going to set more ambitious goals and rise up to unreachable heights of scientific advances thanks to our new carefully elaborated and painstakingly thought-out seven-year development plan. We are preparing for implementation of breakthrough ideas in science and technology which will allow us to broaden scientific boundaries, get new knowledge about the constitution of nature and design novel practical tools to increase the quality of life.

At present, we are in the final stage of the development of our seven-year plan which provides for the solution of the most important problems in nuclear physics, astrophysics, particle physics, neutrino and neutron physics, molecular genetics and other research areas.

And we are willing to go even further. Now your opinion about scientific projects for the upcoming years is of great value for us. You are kindly invited to take part in our short survey where you can share your ideas and thoughts, choose the most promising (in your opinion) projects for further development.

We believe that your contribution helps all of us achieve new scientific goals and remain leaders in a wide range of research. We thank you beforehand for your active support and assistance in reaching new scientific heights.

Sincerely yours,



Survey “Reaching Unreachable Heights”

Choose the most promising projects from your point of view.

1. It is considered that neutrinos can “see through the walls”. Why not to use them for improving the quality of human life?

A. Development and design of special neutrino glasses. Application area: crime prevention.

B. Development and design of an innovative system of detection and localization of hidden objects. Application areas: industry, oil deposits, medicine, DLNP entrance checkpoint.

C. Development and design of an innovative neutrino communication system. Application areas: through the Earth, deep into space.


2. Genetic studies in Drosophila melanogaster are being conducted at our Laboratory. How to connect this area of science to particle physics and astrophysics?

A. Genetic modification to create a neutrino vision in flies. Application areas: detection of sources of ultrahigh-energy/supraluminal neutrinos.

B. In accordance with some theories, genetically modified flies with an increased contribution of the pseudoscalar field with a non-zero vacuum average are hypersensitive to quantum fluctuations of space-time, to gravitons. The development of a genetic code is proposed which makes flies non-indifferent to gravitons. This will allow making them a one-of-a-kind tool for detecting and investigating these enigmatic particles.


 3. Raids of rabbits on fields are among the most important challenges of the 21st century. Will our geneticists be able to develop a genetically modified carrot which will be able to run away from rabbits?

A. The development of the ongoing project at our Laboratory aimed to increase the speed of carrots moving away from rabbits and to improve the neural network of the carrot for faster rabbit identification.

B. A new method for genetic modification of the carrot which will allow producing seeds able to avoid birds, animals, and also human beings until reaching a definite degree of ripeness. This technique will make the carrot more resistant and allow it to spread really quickly, which can be of significance for agriculture.

C. It is proposed to use genetically modified carrots for developing a rabbit-on-the-field detection system. Thanks to the improved neural network, the carrot can be learned to identify rabbits and transmit this information to a specialized device which will signal the presence of rabbits on the field. This can help farmers prevent the damage caused by rabbits and make their harvest more predictable.


4. Our astrophysicists are catching eagerly the signals sent by space. Maybe it’s high time we answered?!

A. The project “Cosmic Troll” (Creating Outlandish Signals Meant to Irritate Cosmos Transmitting Ridiculous Over-the-top Signals for Laughing and Larks) is proposed to reflect signals of all types. It will be a powerful answer given by the humanity to the Universe after hundreds of years of equivocal messages from there.

B. The project “Cosmic Hairdresser’s Shop” is proposed – designing a cosmic station where astronauts will use cosmic signals to create the most stylish haircuts in the whole galaxy. Cosmic rays can create unique fanciful haircuts which will influence fashion across the Universe.


 5. I am a locksmith, but sometimes I think about science. I want to propose to our scientists a project where the Higgs bison will serve the humanity, and not just all this stuff around.

A. It is proposed to breed a special Higgs bison which will be used for making cosmic burgers. These burgers will have such a gravity force that humans will be attracted to them without being able to go away unless they eat them all. The burgers will be served at “HiggsBison’s”.

B. It is proposed to develop an innovative project where Higgs bisons will be used for manufacturing cosmic reactive shoes. Thanks to the high gravity force, the shoes will be able to stick to any surface, including ceilings and walls. It will be a real breakthrough in cosmic technology and will help make cosmic walks safer and more comfortable.

C. “Higgs bison in a toaster” – developing a toaster which uses Higgs bisons for toasting bread. So, people will make toasts using the most advanced achievements in particle physics.


Thank you for participating in the survey! And funny April Fool’s Day!